Sweaty Charlie

Charlie Green – ‘Sweaty’ Charlie to his friends – was and presumably still is a large and nervous man, prone to crippling obsessions and paranoia. True to form, he was being large and nervous in a café. He was eating a chicken Caesar salad, which in his opinion contained rather too many croutons. Charlie like to represent every ingredient equally in every bite, but this salad was simply too saturated with bread for this to be accomplished whilst maintaining both a correct ratio among ingredients and a regard for taste. 

Indeed, it seemed that as he ate each even forkful that the quantity of croutons relative to that of say, chicken or lettuce was steadily rising. Soon, he realised, croutons would comprise the entirety of food in the bowl. Given that in the beginning they had comprised but a fraction of the meal, Charlie reasoned that they must somehow be propagating, multiplying themselves whilst retaining the same volume. Soon his lunch would reach a point of infinite density and form a black hole which would then devour the solar system, if not the universe.

‘My god!’ cried Charlie, as he flung the bowl through the café window, ‘I knew I should have ordered chips!’